And Two Steps Back.

Talked on the phone with previously mentioned new guy and felt awkward and uncomfortable and just all around wrong. So what comes to mind next? My ex.: How well get got along in the beginning, how much feeling I had for him, etc.
I hate that the only feeling I have these days is that I will never feel in love again. I don't ask for much. I just want my best friend back. But that will never happen because that person doesn't exist because everything he said to me a lie.
Having to accept that my love was a lie breaks my heart over and over again.

One step forward.....

I am talking to a guy. A good guy, the best I can tell through email and text. But I am scared because I realize that I have no clue how any of this works now. Am I even ready for any of this even if he is a decent guy? In some ways I still feel such a mess. Maybe I have gotten so comfortable being alone that I have become too complacent. How do I open up to a new human being that I am just getting to know when I am so nervous to ever trust again.
The one person I trusted more than anyone lied to me and broke my heart. Maybe there is no repair for a break like that.
Yet, despite my usual desire to run for the hills pretty much every time he says something ... odd? not what I expect? maybe even slightly inappropriate, a different part of me says..... be honest with yourself.
Then of course the Ego kicks back in and wants to tell him that I am a damaged human and he should be the one to run for the hills.
This is always a good time to remember one of my favorite movies, "As Good As It Gets" when Helen Hunt's mom tell her that there is no such thing as normal.