Fear

I threw up last week. Maybe you are thinking, "so?" What you don't know about me is that I have had a phobia of vomiting since I was a child. No one likes it, or most people don't like it. Maybe there are some people  out there but for most I am sure it is considered rather unpleasant. Well I have a full blown phobia complete with panic attack. Because of this I have developed a pretty good resistance to upchucking. I have only prayed to the porcelin god twice since high school (and I just celebrated my twentieth reunion.) Once was when pregnant and the last was the one from a recent stomach bug. I started to completely freak because I was alone, and tried to call my mom who didn't answer. It was the middle of the night so it was not surprising that she didn't answer. I was stuck alone in my house, vomiting up dinner.  Then something happened inside my head. I heard a thought or voice or whatever you want to call it. And what flashed accross my mind changed me. It/he/she said, (paraphrased) you are experiencing one of your worst fears and you are okay. The panic stopped. I actually felt calm. It was like I separated or stepped back and just witnessed while waiting for the process to stop. It stopped. I crawled into bed and felt sick with the rest of the virus for a couple days but I didn't forget the experience. I don't think I ever will.