Togetherness with Self

Most days I am completely oblivious to how alone I actually am. I go through life being quite content with my solitary lifestyle. I can do what I want, when I want. But then something happens and the realization that I am so completely alone slaps me across the face. This time it was another blast from the past and the beginning was genuine concern for someone who was going through what I already had been through and really needed a friend. I was trying to be supportive because I knew exactly how he felt. I had been in those same shoes and I was in a good place.At least I thought I was. I mean we are adults and understand complex relationships, right? Ya. Not me. It doesn't seem to matter who the guy is or really how much feeling may be surfacing. I fall apart. I become anxious and slightly obsessed. It becomes a high. My imagination creates an entire world in no time flat and I usually do or say things that I regret and when it inevitably doesn't work I crash. It is my own emotional walk of shame through my cortex. This walk of shame carries banners professing my lack of worthiness for a relationship. A town cryer yells , "who would want you?" And "you will always be alone!" Well, self statements like these are just the right skeleton key to open the door to depression to creep back. So what does one do? I remember that things happen for reason. Each thing teaches me something new, opens a new door into my soul, teaching me who I really am and who I want to be even if it means some heartache and a little more loneliness.