It doesn't take much to set me off. I wish it wasn't this way and I would love to grow a thicker skin but my depression makes me very susceptible to taking things too harshly. An old college friend got mad at me for posting something about the election and deleted me. When I asked her about it several ways and got no private response I saw a nice public one about how I basically was a horrible person who posted offensive things that she multiple times had said she was offended and I didn't apologize. Now this gets me angry because it was once. Just once. And she made it sound like that was all I did.She said she "tolerated" me. And she didn't have the decency to tell me anything to my face. Whatever. Move on, right?
But then there is the part of me that feels horrible and guilty and like I have ruined something important. I seriously want to cry. I feel like my logical side is arguing with me emotional side all over again. I really liked this person. I looked up to her but why really? And this aversion to burning bridges that I have has to stop. When one bridge burns another one will be built right? Now if I can just convince myself that that is true instead of feeling horrible each time it happens.
I wrote her privately back telling her I was sorry and that it was unfair for her not to respond to any of my messages. I won't hear from her again. I will move on.
This is one of those moments I wished someone read this so they could give advice.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Friday, December 7, 2012
The Indescribable Mood
I don't even know how to categorize today. I wasn't in a depressed mood, and my anxiety was pretty limited, but I also had absolutely no motivation. I mean none. I need to fill the schedule for my business and I just don't feel like it. I don't feel like doing anything. I am thinking maybe I am just tired? Like I said I am not down but I almost was looking for a reason to be down. I think I was looking for a reason to not have any energy at all. I can't stand days like this because I get nothing done. And I just don't have time to have the random down day.
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